Create Space and Magic Will Fill It.
So how have the travels been?’ I ask. She looks at me and her bright eyes get glossy, but she keeps smiling. I know that look.
I take her hand and sit down with her and she tells me of the exhileration, the freedom, the beauty of all she has seen along her solo journey down here. And at the same time, the deep fear that crippled her the other night and sent her sobbing. The wondering, the wandering, the search for purpose in it all. The constant questioning: Why? Why am I here? What am I doing, alone in this foreign place, in this strange house with my only friends those that I met yesterday?
Travelling solo can be a lonely venture. In the absence of the routine and familiar, everything becomes amplified. I used to become inebriated on the enormous potential of it all, shifting every day events into magical, mysterious connections, totally high on life, for no reason other than the exquisite beauty that touched me everywhere I looked. And at the same time, without friends or comforts, common moments of tiredness or disillusion evolved into soul-searching. Because it is not just about travelling alone, and the purposelessness and questioning is not about what it’s about. This trip is a map for the rest of your life.
For many years, I wandered the Americas, with no real purpose other than to be present and to follow the call that bewilderingly called me forward. Sometimes the journey filled me with fear. Like when the bus dropped me somewhere dark and unfamiliar. Or when I couldn’t decide which route to take. Or when my bank account told a story I didn’t want to hear and I questioned my reasons for leaving in the first place. Or when I just, simply wanted to be home, with nothing to figure out and no need to tell my story yet again.
In ‘normal’ life, the mundane is our medicine - we call a friend or cook a heavy meal and don’t leave home, journal it out or lose ourselves in a novel or a sitcom.
On the road, however, in moments wracked with doubt, the only thing in my heart was the repetitive cry: “Why? Why? What is the point? What is the point?” Instead of novels and movies to entice me to another world, I was forced to dive into the worlds within. Sometimes that purposelessness was so cold within me that I had to surrender to the doubt and indecision and stay right where I was. Bunker down until the vibrancy of my own life force returned once again.
‘It helps me to know that you feel what I’m feeling,’ she says, and I take her hand. I take a breath before responding, and when I do so the words tumble out from somewhere beyond my own mind.
The truth is, I think that those times of questioning are where the deepest truths lie. The pointlessness and purposelessness of this endless quest can be crippling, and yet there... there is the magic.
Whether you are alone in a hostel room somewhere on the wild coast of Mexico, or tucked up in your office with your nice home and comforting routine, or lost after a terrible breakup, or struck by the lack of excitement in your life choices, the question of purpose comes to us all.
But it is in the wide open and lonely desert of potential that the yearning inside grows the loudest. We are like babies, tiny kittens on the side of the road calling, calling for something with heart-breaking earnest. And while that longing can leave us shivering at times… the truth is, that’s exactly what we need. In space, creation flourishes. In such a space, we can only fill the emptiness with the things we are deeply called towards, the things that really have meaning for us. The heart breaks, and the light enters. In the absence of purpose, the true purpose is revealed.
Bewilderment. Space. And then, magic. Every time. As soon as I let my yearning take me towards meaningfulness, the wonderful would occur. I would toss a coin and go wherever it told me to go. I would read a line in the book that urged me onwards. I would land in the next hostel and find the key to something I’d been trying to learn. A person would come along with exactly the message i needed to hear.
And just like that, synchronicity would connect me back into the Great Mystery.
And that is a truth that has stayed with me through all my lost moments. When we are coldly faced with the possibility that none of this matters, that we don’t matter, that we have no idea what to do next - that is where we find the fire inside to take us towards what really does.
So when I reach back to that 20-something year old, alone and lost on a road whose name I can no longer recall, I see only openness. Power, unfolding. Immense strength, built through enduring those moments of pointlessness, letting Trust be the one light that remained. And having that trust affirmed, over and over, by the ensuing wonder that followed.
For myself I hope, I truly hope that each time this questioning comes, I am in a position to consider it deeply. I trust that I have built that stretch of my life in a way that lets me open my heart to real answers. Tough as they are, I truly believe that those times of searching are the most potent times of our lives.
Because it is in the deserts of emptiness that the heart’s longing is the strongest. And that voice always, always knows the way.
Are you ready to listen to you heart’s longing and travel and learn somewhere new? Check out our offerings around the world!
Jiya is a deeply connected leader who roots her teaching in the healing energy of nature. Her teaching invites students to explore their own, unique unfolding, through profound awareness and trust in the wisdom of the Self. Through her studies with teachers and shamans across the world, Julia has developed a powerful sense of energetic connection and a strong set of philosophical and intuitive teachings, which she shares through creative hatha and yin yoga, sacred fire and medicine ceremonies, kirtan and healing therapies. Jiya is also a talented musician and sound healer, who seeks out native chants and medicine songs from around the world to complement her work.